Professor Squidward

"Because I'm head matron at an esteemed musical college in town and thought if you were Squilliam Fancyson, I would offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity to come there and teach your very own music class."

- Music School Headmistress

"Professor Squidward" is the second segment of the seventeenth episode of season 6, and it is paired with "Shuffleboarding." In this episode, Squidward poses as Squilliam to teach a music class, which SpongeBob and Patrick attend.

Characters

 * Squilliam Fancyson
 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Music School Headmistress
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Patrick Star
 * Bob
 * Bikini Bottom Police Department

Plot
After watching Squilliam's concert, Squidward leaves the recital hall. A music school headmistress mistakes him for Squilliam, so he tells her he's Squidward. She says it's a shame, as she would have offered him to teach a college music class. Tempted by the offer, Squidward says he's Squilliam and takes the job.

At class, the students greet Squidward. One student asks if he's going to write his name on the board, only for Squidward to get annoyed by this and make him write his name down. Afterwards, SpongeBob and Patrick turn out to have joined the class, and almost call Squidward by his actual name, before reminding them they should call him Squilliam.

Later, Squidward tries to teach a lesson, but gets distracted due to SpongeBob tickling himself and lies but Patrick tells him to confess that he did it and tells the truth. He separates him and Patrick, only for him to end up tickling SpongeBob on his foot despite being at a distance from him. Afterwards, Squidward is drawing music lines on the blackboard, which reminds Patrick of a railroad track that disrupts the class. He says there was a railroad convention last week and he bought a conductor's cap and personal locomotive there.

Squidward teaches the class about a metronome, but when he starts it, SpongeBob and Patrick end up in a trance saying "tick tick tick" like they are the metronome. A reporter comes to have an interview with Squilliam, but notices SpongeBob and Patrick in a trance and get interested in them. Squidward gets angry at this and pushes them out of his classroom.

He gets angry at SpongeBob and Patrick for once again ruining what could've been his chance to add creative hope to Bikini Bottom. They apologize to him, but accidentally use his real name Squidward. The police come and arrest Squidward for posing as Squilliam.